"Cheap London hotel"

It is probably the most common Google search, but is there really such a thing as a cheap but decent hotel in London?

It is a depressing chore to sift through dozens of hotel booking sites, most of which look decidedly dodgy, in order to find a place to lay your weary head.

What do you mean, it's 2 miles back to the hotel?

A couple exhibitions in London look interesting, so I thought it might be time for another visit. At the moment Travelodge is selling rooms from as little as £9 a night ($13/€11). It is not unheard of for people to become Travelodge tarts, staying in a different hotel each night depending on where the bargains are to be had.

Looking at their list of saver rooms is deceptive though. In small print it says that prices were correct as at 6am that morning, so by the time all the office workers have spent their tea breaks booking up the deals those £9 rooms will have become £49, £59 or £69 rooms.

And yet Travelodge still think they are doing us all a favour, because the sad fact is a hotel room for less than £75 a night is considered suspiciously cheap in London. Most places which offer that as their standard fare are dire fleapits. I should know. I once PAID MONEY to sleep on a mattress. Literally, 'a mattress' with no bedframe or springs.

The fire escape was a novelty, too

So when a respected national chain dangles a few cheap options in the low season, my fingers get crippled from so much clicking. My fingers got burned once though when I booked the Travelodge in chi-chi Covent Garden.

Travelodge Covent Garden is steps away from Seven Dials, but that is its only saving grace

Like many other Travelodge properties, the hotel was once an office block and looked like a gulag with double glazing. The A/C had no thermostat, so you either tolerated 'all blow' or 'no go'. The shower tap was an exercise in typical fiddly English engineering with the result that it was impossible to find that comfortable zone between 'scalding' and 'so this is what it felt like to swim around the wreckage of the Titanic - no wonder Leonardo couldn't hang on.' Time for bed, and the bedsprings had more sag than a National Geographic cover girl.

All this for £49 ($73/€58) with an optional breakfast at £7.50. The hotel enjoyed a premium central location and believe it or not, £49 in that neighbourhood is indeed a bargain.

Granted, another Travelodge experience was far better, this time at the City Road property in the East End. So it was across the street from a cemetery. So you had to walk 10 minutes to catch the Tube or find somewhere decent to eat. No matter, it was £19 for the night, the paint was still damp from the remodelling job and it was sparkling clean.

There are other ways of finding a room. For instance, there is the Hoxton Hotel and their famous £1 rooms. Unfortunately, the time when these rooms go on sale is announced by Martin Lewis on his Money Saving Expert email which is received by HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS if not millions of people. Last time it took 26 minutes for the £1 rooms to sell out.

Sample the exotic tastes of London: mandarin, vanilla... BISON??!

So my advice would be to:-

1. Use a site like Tripadvisor to find out what a hotel is really like before parting with your cash;

2. Book yourself a private room at a YHA hostel because the nicer ones don't feel at all like a hostel and you don't have to be a youth for that matter;

3. Zip through the listings at HostelWorld - it's like Tripadvisor, but for hostels. You might find an independent hostel with the standards you require;

4. See if one of the universities is offering space in its residence halls during a school holiday;

5. Accept there is no such thing as a cheap but decent hotel room in London, so start saving now in order to afford a halfway decent room.

6. Start making friends with people who live there!

As for me, I will take advantage of the fact that the recent track upgrades mean there are now 3 trains an hour between Manchester and London. Book well enough ahead and the train fare is £8 each way. With a journey time of 2 hours, for me London has become a daytrip!