Madrid one more time 7

We were so poor growing up, we had to go to K-Mart if we wanted to watch TV. We ate our cornflakes with a fork to save on milk. The first time we went to McDonalds, we had to put my Happy Meal on layaway.

Needless to say these days I am in the first in line for most anything free or going cheap, so during our trip to Madrid I couldn't wait until the Wednesday when many of the city's galleries and attractions are free. With the promise of freebies galore (and some cold beer at €1 a glass!), we had the makings of a grand day out.

First on our list of freebies was the Royal Palace, but there were hundreds of other people with the same idea.

As we had a long list of other things we wanted to do, we decided to come back later and instead headed for El Monasterio de Las Descalzas Reales, the 'Monastery of the Barefoot Royals.'  Just steps away from some of the city's busiest shopping streets and rowdiest tapas joints, visitors will find this 450-year-old convent which happens to house a fine art collection.

Tours are limited to groups of 20 and the guidebooks warned us to show up early, so we took our place outside the heavy wooden door and watched as the queue behind us grew and grew for the next half hour. Only when the wooden door was heaved open were we able to see the notice inside stating that tours alternated between English and Spanish...with the first tour of the day being in Spanish.

'Que pais?' the doorkeeper asked when we stepped up ('which country?'). I told her 'Inglaterra' and she pointed at the sign. I didn't fancy sitting around for another half hour, so I shrugged, dredged up some vocabulary last used in my Spanish class at university about 15 years ago and said 'Ahora es mejor' ('now is better').

And so we found ourselves with a Spanish-speaking tour guide and surrounded by other native Spanish speakers. Who cares, we thought, as long as there's not a quiz at the end: we understand the international language of art!

Founded in 1559, the convent became one of the richest on the continent. A woman joining a convent has to bring a dowry, because she is getting married to Christ. This particular convent became the destination of choice for many an aristocratic young lady who was surplus to requirements or causing embarrassment to her family. Anytime a Duke So-and-so couldn't marry off one particular daughter, he'd ship her off to the convent, with a Tintoretto painting in her trousseau.

And so the nuns here accumulated dozens of fine paintings and sculpture through the centuries, but they could hardly afford to feed themselves when the convent fell on hard times. Although surrounded by the works of Zubaran, Titian and the like, the nuns were not allowed to sell any of the masterpieces to support themselves. With the agreement of the church and government, the convent was allowed to open as a museum.

There are not many nuns left and they make themselves scarce during the hour-long tours which take in two floors, the cloisters, innumerable gaudy chapels and several large rooms given over almost entirely to art.

During the tour I was able to pick out the names of most of the artists, although there wasn't much time to linger along the way and no photography was allowed. Honestly, little of it left any impression on us anyway. After picking up a guidebook in the shop (in English!), it became clear why so much of the art seemed rather second-rate. It turns out most are copies, attributions or simply works 'in the style of...'.

If we had had the time, we also could have visited the Real Academia de Bellas Artes, or Royal Academy of Fine Arts, which is also centrally located and free on Wednesday.  However, listening to an hour-long art and history lecture in Spanish had left us starving so we made a beeline for 100 Montaditos. For all the dish about this fantastic sandwich shop and its cheap beer, click back next time as we hunt down some more freebies in Madrid.