Saturday, 20 June 2009

The worst of London 1 - a boat trip on the Thames

What does a man do when he tires of London?

If you think the answer might be to take a cruise along the River Thames, think again.

For all the times we've been to London, we had never been on the river by boat, so on a recent visit we decided once to take a cruise along the South Bank from the Tate Modern upriver to the London Eye.

What a sorry set-up. The staff at the pier seemed to be out-of-work prison wardens, bus drivers and school cooks judging by the surly, hard-bitten types manning the pier. I know it must become tiresome to be asked 1000 times a day 'Is this our boat? No? So when does it arrive?' - but maybe if there was more information provided and the boats kept to some semblance of a schedule for us tourists then we wouldn't pester so much.

As it was, our boat was 40 minutes late and our short hop to the next pier along cost £2, even with our travel card discount.

The seating onboard was a pathetic arrangement of plastic lawn furniture occupied by inattentive Spanish teenagers. The live commentary was an embarrassing affair given by a Cockney 18-year-old with a BTEC in travel-n-tourism whose insight amounted to saying each bridge we passed under was 'very famous.'

What a shambolic exercise. Perhaps it's all a joke by what I take to be the French owners, Bateux London? Perhaps the Tate to Tate catamaran or circular cruises aboard the glassed-in boats are better - they are certainly more expensive.

We were ashamed to be on board and cannot recommend that anyone submit themselves to this hellish experience.

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